We open our scene on two twenty-somethings out to dinner on a first date:
Me: “My friend and I write a blog as characters. She is The Mormon and I’m …”
This is the beginning of a personal play I seem to keep performing. It starts with a statement that I’ve reiterated on multiple first dates. When getting to know a guy, I proudly talk about my sensible friend and writing partner for my blog, Love Unscripted: The Mormon & The Masochist, who just so happens to be Mormon. The information I offer up about her religion is irrelevant, except for the fact that it is half of our blog’s title. The other half? Oh, that’s about me, but we won’t get there on this first date…
Sister Wives and Mitt Romney are most people’s connection to Mormons. They easily assume that certain political beliefs and multiple wives are all there is to this religion. Since I’ve had to assure many men that this is not true, let me give you a look at a recent date.
When I meet a new guy, I dread the moment when it comes up that I’m Mormon. Not because I’m ashamed of it. But because that’s all I’ll be to him from then on. I’m no longer a woman, I’m a Mormon. — My friend, The Mormon
Another typical Saturday night, and I’m genuinely excited to meet this new guy I’d previously flirted with at a bar in the West Village. Since he has a real job, and no pictures of purely his pecs in the mirror, I was prompted to even get a blowout for this occasion. Little did I know, however, that I’d become the third wheel. These dates always start off optimistically. We make jokes about bad dates, fishing to see how many people the other is dating. We order our wine, making close eye contact while clinking our glasses playfully flirting. Then comes the stunned question, “You are best friends with a Mormon?! So she doesn’t drink or have sex!? Can she, you know, go down?” Suddenly we’ve gone to dirty dessert before our appetizers have even arrived yet. Now my date watching Joseph Gordon-Levitt on SNL alone doesn’t seem so bad.
In order to avoid listing the rules Mormons follow, let me encourage you to read up on it for yourself. Typically, we all try to avoid topics of religion, politics and sex on a first date. Yet, I often find that men feel those discussions are explicitly okay when not specifically involving the parties there in person. While I was physically present on our date, he couldn’t have cared less about me from the mention of my Mormon friend on, and likely unbeknownst to my date, my choice to not kiss him at the end of the night may have been influenced by our lengthy celibacy discussion earlier.
Dating is difficult no matter how you look at it, but in my opinion there are a few basics every man should follow:
- Keep first date conversation light. Your beliefs, politics and penile proportions will only make a girl run…away.
- Speak kindly about your date’s friends or acquaintances. Insulting friends you haven’t met yet is like us saying that Monday Night Football is boring.
- Don’t ask too many personal questions. Women are like fine wine. You can discover a fantastic vintage without dissecting all the vintner’s details.
Take a step back from judgment before the curtain falls. Don’t get caught up in the details and give up a chance for something great!