Hindsight is always 20/20, particularly when it comes to dating and relationships. So often it seems we look back and can see with certainty when we extended ourselves too much for a partner who wasn’t equally there for us, or when we knew something wasn’t right and yet how we continued to pursue a relationship with that person against our better judgement.
Before you find yourself looking back on a relationship that is not meant to be, read these dating “red flags” by relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul of Huffington Post to help you assess a person that may not be right for you—or even yourself.
1. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear.
This is one of the symptoms of narcissism. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, “I’ve never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you,” or “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I can see that no one has ever really seen you.” For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you.
2. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.
This is another symptom of narcissism. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don’t give them what they want.
3. The person lacks empathy and compassion.
This is another symptom of narcissism. If this person cannot feel pain for your pain and joy for your joy, you will end up feeling very lonely in the relationship.
4. The person is possessive and jealous. He or she gets upset when you do your own thing.
A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. If he or she gets upset when you do your own thing, then you need to accept that it is more important to that person to control you than to care about you.
5. The person is not open to learning from relationship conflict.
Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict.
6. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings.
This person is a victim, blaming others for his or her feelings and circumstances. In a relationship, this person will blame you for his or her unhappiness.
Read the full article by Dr. Margaret Paul, “Dating: Relationship Red Flags,” on Huffington Post.