University of Georgia sophomore Amber Estes wrote an insightful column for The Red and Black (UGA’s student newspaper) on how female college students can “attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.” Nope, not a college degree, but a ring on your finger.
That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.
So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.
Estes then proceeds to give her six steps to locking down the rest of your future (a.k.a. your husband), which include:
- Attend college in the South. This is where you can find men who “dress in nothing but the frattiest clothes they can purchase, take hard classes that will inevitably lead to a high salary job.”
- Stalk future high earners. She suggests “moseying” around the Law School and other graduate program campuses wearing a “nice fitting frocket.”
- Exploit social media. “Instagram everything … Also, make sure you take pictures with your pretty friends, but not ones that are prettier than you. That way the boys know you don’t hang around with uggos.”
- Act coy and discreet. On the first date, “stay classy” and don’t say much.
- Do everything to make him stay. Once he commits, bake for him, impress his mother—do anything to “ensure he desires nothing more than his dazzling girlfriend.”
- Say yes when he proposes.
Vixely first learned of Estes’ article after one of our friends saw the print-out lying on her intern’s desk in NYC. After discussing the piece, what is scary to us at Vixely is that Estes’ exactly nails the mentality of women who unfortunately view the purpose of college as finding a husband, not an opportunity for an education. We hope that women take time in their formative college years to explore what they want, in terms of their interests and passions, as well as to date, and to remember that they have a multitude of life options that do not have to center on finding a husband.