I still remember the look on my mom’s face. I came home from school with a big question after having a puzzling experience in Algebra. No, I wasn’t confused about the pythagorean theorem or finding x in a complex equation. I was bewildered by a two-digit number that everyone seemed to know all about. 69.
My parents are fabulous. And my mom did a great job being both informational and supportive when giving K (sister) and I the talk. She was only as minimally embarrassing as a parent could be, and we talked openly in our house about issues of this nature. She never, however, told me about several things. 69. BJ. HJ. And the list goes on and on.
Just on a side note—years later when an HJ came up in in a movie, my mom referred to it as mutual masturbation. She calls the dirty dancing we did at frat parties and Rick’s on Thursday nights simulated sex. Reminder to self: find terrible and scientific terms for all of the dirty activities my children might be inclined to engage in someday and apply them. Daily. In the home. So I scare the bejeezus out of my children. But maybe that’s not the best way…
Back to Ms. U’s class that dreadful day in seventh grade. I was busy sitting at my “pod” of four students, feverishly writing notes to put into the cover of my TI-82 and then pass, when George’s calculator slid across my desk. He had a particularly sly look on his face, and the note inside read, “I dare you to raise your hand ask what does 69 mean?”
Thank God I didn’t take the physical challenge. Seriously. Could have been social suicide. Instead I wondered all day and asked my mom immediately upon arriving home—she always told me I could ask her anything about sex.
Needless to say, this one was a toughie. How did she even get into this without explaining all of the components. I still don’t remember how she explained it, I just remember throwing up in my mouth a few times during the explanation. Who wants their mom to explain that? Especially the mom who says things like mutual masturbation.
Well, Dr. Laura Berman, a pretty fabulous sex therapy expert, suggests that mother’s have much more open and honest conversations with their daughters about all things sex. Including oral sex, solo sex, heavy petting, etc. You get it. I’m in favor of this, despite my awkward learning experience. I think too many women grow up in homes where they are clueless about what really occurs. They grow up learning only about the basic act, if even that. Information is empowering, and women, specifically, need to feel empowered about their being and their bodies.
Figuring out when to have sex is already dramatic enough. Wouldn’t it be nice if we knew about all of the menu options before we belted out our first order?
Did your parents explain things or did you fumble through wondering? Are you still in the dark about some things?
Originally posted on Kristen’s blog, BouquetsandBJS.com.