Vixely’s Adventures in Dating

"Doctuh! What birth control should I take?"

By one of our Vixens

Everyone, I have a date tonight with…wait for it…a gynecological oncologist. That means he’s a cancer surgeon for your lady parts. Oh, the irony. He will be my first date via OKCupid in my life, a fact I am desperate to drop on him in the first five minutes of our meeting that I’m sure he won’t be thrilled to hear. He is 33, very attractive and Yewish. As per my typical type, he’s extremely athletic/ outdoorsy and driven, but also into culture and art. Yes, these men do exist, and they are the best.

Now, obviously I tried to hint at my slight shock regarding his profession. Yes, my heart soared when I read “cancer surgeon,” but man doctors of the vagina are an interesting breed, no? I inquired how he became interested in his field and his response was that he “likes working with his hands.” So, now all I can imagine are his shirt sleeves rolled up and his hands in my vagina. Both of them. Working…

There are two key ways in which I, probably like most women, prepare for a date. There is the physical part, where I contemplate at least 48 hours in advance anything needed for my appearance (makeup, clothing, haircut). Seeing as I presently work for a start-up, I’ll trade in the shopping spree and mani/pedi routine for simply bathing and enlisting friends to shop for me in my existing closet.

The mental preparation is of course the most important part. Going in to a first date with the idea that you’ll just be yourself and have fun is the right attitude, but it’s not a strategy. You need to have a little bit of a game plan in there. So, after carefully reviewing our other Vixen’s dating tips, I thought I’d share a few of my own:

Interview him

I like to use the first date as my opportunity to interview a guy. This helps me to focus on listening to him and not just yammering my face off.  It doesn’t mean you lob questions at him continuously, it means you ask intelligent questions and then you pipe down and really listen to what he’s saying. This also slightly unnerves men I find, which can be good. I like to let him show his cards before I show mine, because boy do I have a weird hand.

"Sometimes, I think I'm a lesbian! No, wait..."

Don’t go too deep on anything personal

Don’t tell him about your family saga or your loaded uncle—there’s just no need with a stranger. What you do want to do is hint at positive things from your personal life: that you’re a happy person, that you have good friends, that you’ve got a strong character. No “womp womp” tales, no intimate details of your last relationship. Think big animal pictures and broad brush strokes.

Don’t mention anything too weird

Now, this is a real struggle for me. Weird things fly out of my mouth (literally) all the time. I’m weird; get over it! But on a first date, I try to keep my weirdness at bay. For example, sometimes I think I’m a lesbian. Or at least I say that often, but I have no idea what I mean by it. See? Thoughts and phrases such as this need to be locked up.

Avoid heavy thoughts

On a recent date, I somehow ended up saying something about marriage being an “obligation.” Yikes. It came out wrong, but where was I even going with such esoteric nonsense? How you deeply, inwardly feel about love and capitalism and politics is too serious for first date banter. Don’t let your heady world views define you without first providing a greater context of who you are, which can only happen over time.

Hey, guys. Guess where we’re going for dinner, hmm? A sushi restaurant. With the vagina surgeon. I mean…if I’m being punked this is a really good one.